Tangent: Wash Post’s Mensa invitational on coining new words and meanings

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Hi Blog.  As a complete diversion on a Sunday, when it’s too nice to stay inside (and probably few are reading this due to the rare September 5-day weekend here in Japan), here is a tangent, sent me by James in Monbetsu. As an aficionado of words and word play (gotta be for my writing), I got a big kick. And I’m happy to say that due to years of blogging, I’ve come up with the word “sarchasm” on my own. Arudou Debito in Sapporo

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Here are the winners of this year’s Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:

1. *Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. *Ignoranus*: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. *Intaxication*: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. *Reintarnation*: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. *Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. *Foreploy*: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. *Giraffiti*: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. *Sarchasm*: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9. *Inoculatte*: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. *Osteopornosis*: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. *Karmageddon*: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12.. *Decafalon* (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you..

13. *Glibido*: All talk and no action.

14. *Dopeler Effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. *Arachnoleptic Fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just afteryou’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. *Beelzebug* (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. *Caterpallor* (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

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The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. *Coffee*, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. *Flabbergasted*, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. *Abdicate*, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. *Esplanade*, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. *Willy-nilly*, adj. Impotent.

6. *Negligent*, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. *Lymph*, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. *Gargoyle*, n. Olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. *Flatulence*, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. *Balderdash*, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. *Testicle* n. A humorous question in an exam.

12. *Rectitude*, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. *Pokemon*, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. *Oyster*, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation withyiddishisms.

15. *Frisbeetarianism*, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there..

16. *Circumvent*, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
ENDS

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