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    Posted by Dr. ARUDOU, Debito on June 18th, 2011

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    Hi Blog.  Here is a report from a Debito.org reader who translates how the debate on Domestic Violence in Japan (being cited as a reason to create loopholes in Japan’s enforcement of the upcoming signatory status with the Hague Treaty on Child Abductions) is being stretched to justify just about any negative behavior (including non-tactile acts) as “violent”.  And note how the checklist of “violent” acts below approaches the issue with the woman as perpetual victim and the man as perpetrator.  If accepted as the standard definition, imagine just how much further this will weaken the fathers’ position in any Japanese divorce negotiation.  Yet another example of how clueless Japanese social scientists are when dealing with issues of human rights.  Courtesy of Chris Savoie, used with permission.  Arudou Debito in Sapporo

    ////////////////////////////////////////

    June 16, 2011

    Here is my cut of a translation that is being circulated by an influential NGO in Japan as the standard for recognizing Domestic Violence (“DV”) in Japan. Thanks CJ for finding and posting this!

    Note that these standards or substantially similar standards will likely be applied under the new Hague implementation law to deny access and/or return of children to foreign (and Japanese) parents who are victims of parental abduction to and within Japan. Similar standards are already applied in Japanese family courts at present.

    The original URL is below and this was a rushed translation, so if someone can clean it up or correct it, please do. Please feel free to forward this to folks involved with Congressional approval if HR1940.

    http://saya-saya.net/toujisha/checklist.html

    Please note for the avoidance of doubt that I am very much for the protection of both males and females from legitimate partner abuse and certain forms of behavior (like slapping) on this list are SERIOUS infractions, represent CRIMINAL acts and are to be condemned in the STRONGEST possible terms. However, certain of the conduct described below is a given even in otherwise healthy relationships and to include such conduct alongside actual physical violence or serious verbal abuse dilutes the very necessary efforts needed to protect actual abuse victims and for this reason, such ridiculous crap science does more to endanger domestic violence victims than to help them. For these reasons, such a list is highly contemptible. Best, CJS

    ===============================

    CITATION BEGINS

    The DV Checklist

    “He is kind of scary. Is this even a ’DV’?” “’DV’ I mean, I often hear the term, but I do not know specifically what ‘DV’ is!”…

    Often we hear about DV in daily life. If you do too, try completing the following checklist.

    We have published this checklist by Dr. Numazaki Ichirou. The survey was designed for men and women, but for sexual minorities, please complete the exercise according to one’s role in the relationship.

    Checklist for Women

    Please check any of these if you have experienced them:

    He sulks if I deviate in any way from what he has requested of me.

    He quickly blames me whenever something goes wrong.

    When I go out alone, he calls my cell phone regularly.

    He is reluctant to associate with my friends and parents.

    He is angry if I come home late.

    He says I am “stupid” or “incompetent”.

    He cops an attitude so that I don’t refuse to comply with his whims.

    I do not want him to be angry so I reluctantly listen to him.

    I always try to wear clothes that he likes.

    He has not problem pointing out my shortcomings in front of other people.

    He ignores me when I want to talk with him.

    Also complains vocally about my idiosyncrasies.

    I am relieved when he is not around.

    If I have a temper tantrum, he responds by hitting walls, or throwing objects.

    I have been slapped by him.

    After he hits me, he is quickly kind and gentle to me and apologizes.

    In order not to offend him I have given up a lot.

    He insists on sex without taking care of my needs.

    Source: by Numazaki Ichirou “Why Do Men Choose Violence?”

    ========================

    Checklist for Men

    Please check any of these if you have experienced them:

    I have yelled at her.

    I wish that she would only have eyes for me.

    Sometimes I don’t answer her when she wants to talk to me.

    While speaking with her, I have stood up and got close to her.

    She has thought that I made fun of her.

    I think a woman should look up to her man.

    I may have silently stared at her.

    I am concerned when she is speaking with other men.

    I have secretly checked her cell phone.

    I have cheated on her.

    I have told her “Don’t get smart with me.”

    I may have lifted a hand to her.

    I am annoyed when she talks back to me.

    I have cussed at her.

    I have called her a big mouth.

    I feel restless if I am not with her all the time.

    I feel hurt if she pushes back at me.

    She incurred a debt for me without my permission.

    Source: Dr. Numazaki Ichirou “Why Do men choose violence?”

    According to Professor Numazaki, the producer of this list, a check mark next to even ONE item indicates a DV event. (For women who checked off one item, they have been a victim of DV and, for men, any checks indicate that that man was a perpetrator of DV.)

    One of the items in the men’s list is “I wish that she would only have eyes for me.” One might question “How can ‘wishing’ or “thinking” something amount to violence?” Indeed, “just thinking” does not amount to violence. But if the thought “I think so” represents a strong belief, it is often followed by action. If one thinks “I want her only to have eyes for me” strongly, then the expression of power and domination (violence) is possible.

    According to the results of a survey in 2008 by the Cabinet, “33,2% of married women over the age of 20 have been victims of DV.”

    Defining DV:  http://saya-saya.net/dv.html

    ENDS

    ///////////////////////////////////////

    JAPANESE ORIGINAL:

    http://saya-saya.net/toujisha/checklist.html

    DVのチェックリスト

    「なんだか彼といると恐い。でもこれって『DV』なの?」 「『DV』っていう言葉はよく聞くけど、具体的にどういうのが『DV』なのかわからない」・・・。

    私たちが活動をしていく中でよく聞く声です。そんな場合は、下記の「チェックリスト」をやってみてください。

    このチェックリストは、沼崎一郎教授によるチェックリストを掲載させていただきました。女性用、男性用となっていますが、セクシャルマイノリティの方は、それぞれの関係の中での役割に応じて、チェックリストをやってみてください。

    女性用チェックリスト

    あなたが体験したことのある項目に、○をつけてください。

    □ 彼の注文に少しでも疑問を示すと、すぐに不機嫌になる。

    □ うまくいかないことがあると、すぐに私のせいにする。

    □ 私が1人で外出すると、しょっちゅう携帯に電話してくる。

    □ 私が友人や両親と交際するのを嫌がる。

    □ 私の帰宅が遅くなると怒る。

    □ 私に「バカ」とか「能無し」とか言う。

    □ いつも彼の機嫌をそこねないように気を配っている。

    □ 彼に怒られるのがいやで、言うことを聞いてしまう。

    □ ついつい彼好みの洋服を選んでしまう。

    □ 人前でも平気で私の欠点を指摘する。

    □ 彼と会話がしたくても、非難されたり、無視されたりする。

    □ 私のちょっとしたしぐさにもうるさく文句を言う。

    □ 彼がいないと、なぜかホッとする。

    □ 癇癪を起すと、壁をなぐったり、物を投げたりする。

    □ 彼に平手打ちにされたことがある。

    □ 私をたたいた後は、急に優しくなり、私に謝ってくる。

    □ 彼を怒らせないために、あきらめたことがいろいろある。

    □ 彼は、私の気分などおかまいなしにセックスを求める。

    出典:沼崎一郎著「男は何故暴力を選ぶのか」より転載。

    チェックリスト結果について

    男性用チェックリスト

    あなたが体験したことのある項目に、○をつけてください。

    □ 彼女に大声を上げたことがある。

    □ 彼女には自分だけを見ていて欲しいと思う。

    □ 彼女が話しかけても返事をしないことがある。

    □ 話の最中、立ち上がって彼女に近づいたことがある。

    □ 彼女にバカにされたと思ったことがある。

    □ 女は男を立てるべきだと思っている。

    □ 黙って彼女をにらんだことがある。

    □ 彼女が他の男と話していると気になる。

    □ 彼女の携帯をこっそりチェックしたことがある。

    □ 浮気をしたことがある。

    □ 彼女に「なまいき言うな」と言ったことがある。

    □ 彼女に手を上げたことがある。

    □ 彼女に何か言い返されると腹が立つ。

    □ 彼女をののしったことがある。

    □ 彼女は口うるさいと思ったことがある。

    □ いつも彼女と一緒でないとイライラする。

    □ 彼女に反発されると、とても傷つく。

    □ 彼女に無断で借金をしたことがある。

    出典:沼崎一郎著「男は何故暴力を選ぶのか」より転載。

    チェックリスト結果について

    チェックリストの結果

    このリストの製作者である沼崎教授によると、上記のチェックリストのうち「一つでも」チェックのついた人はDVとなっています(女性用でチェックがついた方は、DVの被害をうけており、男性用でチェックがついた方はDVの加害をしていることとなります)。

    男性用チェックリストの中に「彼女には自分だけを見ていて欲しいと思う」という項目があります。「『思う』だけなら暴力ではないのでは・・・?」と反論があるかもしれません。たしかに「思うだけ」では暴力にはならないでしょう。でも「そのように思う」という強い信念は、しばしば「行動」となって現れます。「彼女に自分だけを見ていて欲しい」と強く思うことが、彼女に対する力と支配の行使(暴力)となる可能性があります。

    「20歳以上の既婚女性のうち、33,2%の女性がDVの被害を受けたことがある」という結果が、内閣府によるアンケート調査(2008年度)で出ています。

    DVについて、もっと詳しく知りたい方は「DVとは?」をご覧ください。

    ENDS

    26 Responses to “Child Abductions Issue: How Japan’s debate on defining “Domestic Violence”, the loophole in enforcing the Hague Treaty, is heading in the wrong direction”

    1. ABC Says:

      Apart from being a catch-all so that a biased court can find an infraction to beat the gaijin dad with, this smacks of a sort of deep-seated racism that I have encountered here about the superiority of the gentle nation of rice-i-vor humble Japanese farmers who are spiritually and genetically plugged into the greater mystical WA via their unique Yamato genes, as opposed to the loud, selfish, violent meat-eating hunter gatherer white barbarians who are of course prone to DV, because just about all of them over a 20-year relationship has committed one of the acts above.

      If I am being facetious, surely that’s because our friend in need Doc. Numazaki is surely having us on….

    2. ABC Says:

      And of course, we’ll never understand, because we’re gaijin anyway. Isn’t it time we went back to our home countries, minus our Japanese wife’s kids, where they can grow up in a safe, secure country full of alcoholic pervie whoring salarimen? Just kidding, of course.

    3. Peter Says:

      Is this list a joke??

      Why does this assume that the man is the only perpetrator in domestic violence issues? I’m sure there are men out there who are victims of DV too.
      the wording is awful.. the female side absolves any responsibility while the male side assumes it all. what a load of crap

    4. Norik Says:

      Debito-san, this is going to become a men vs women debate rather than human rights debate, and one thing I can blame you is that, based on your personal experience, you tend to be unfair to women. Haven’t you tought just for a minute that women have feelings which could be hurt, if they are treated repeatedly this way, and this would bring them major mental distress. Women, especially in Japan, have much, much weaker social position(no FT job, income twice or three times lower than the husband, entirely dependent on the husband this way) and they are unable to come with an adequate responce if insulted, ignored, their privacy breached, etc.If this thing continues, it leads to suicide, child abuse, social withdrawal, etc.The lack of adequate mental help in Japan and the fear of the abuser’s reaction worsen their situation.

      Before judging, one needs seriously and fully to apprehend women’s position , their image in Japan-it is completely different than in other countries by the way society regards them, companies accept them as a workforce, elderly people look at them, their image created by the media(have you noticed how often working women in media, like actresses, announcers,owarai, singers are asked first and most important when are they going to get married, and how unmarried women are treated).Therefore, you just cannot apply another country’s DV standards and views to Japan.And for waht I have noticed on this and other forums is that 90% of the male posters have zero to no idea what is to be a woman in Japan.As a woman in Japan, for already 10 years, I can tell you that its a living hell, the mentality is like in some village in some non-developed country before WW2.

      – I think you’re lashing out at the wrong targets, including at me. I don’t think giving anyone, regardless of gender, this much grey abusable power in the legal arena is a healthy thing. Further, I resent you implicating me as an inherently biased observer in your need to convert this issue into a war of the sexes. Calm down and don’t lose sight of the goal, that of fair, equal, and equitable treatment in dispute mediation.

    5. Al Says:

      It doesn’t even matter in my opinion because none of these things have to actually happen. The “victim” just has to say that they happened and there go your children. At least that’s what seems to be happening now.
      The list does seem like bullshit but there might be something to it. But clearly it I’d not about domestic violence but rather domestic violence against women.

    6. TJJ Says:

      Like with so many progressive issues, Japan grabs the ball then runs the wrong way with it. For example:

      ‘Human rights’ means not taking people’s photos in the street.

      The right to privacy means not releasing documents concerning individuals to the actual individuals because it might embarrass the creators of the documents.

      And here, with DV issues, it seems ‘violence’ is when someone gets uncomfortable. And only men can make women uncomfortable. These misguided ideas are a serious problem because they are likely to divert attention away from real abuse.

      If any of you Debito readers have friends or colleagues in domestic violence prevention organizations or in social sciences, please forward a copy of Numazaki’s list to them so that his ideas can be judged on their merits by his peers worldwide, rather than just hiding the idiocy away in Japan under the blanket of Japanese language.

    7. TJJ Says:

      And remember boys and girls – only men check their partner’s cells phones or cheat!

    8. Equal Application Says:

      Checklist for Either Spouse :)

      My spouse sulks if I deviate in any way from what they have requested of me.
      My spouse quickly blames me whenever something goes wrong.
      When I go out alone, my spouse calls my cell phone regularly.
      My spouse is reluctant to associate with my friends and parents.
      My spouse is angry if I come home late.
      My spouse says I am “stupid” or “incompetent”.
      My spouse cops an attitude so that I don’t refuse to comply with my spouse’s whims.
      I do not want my spouse to be angry so I reluctantly listen to my spouse.
      I always try to wear clothes that my spouse likes.
      My spouse has no problem pointing out my shortcomings in front of other people.
      My spouse ignores me when I want to talk with my spouse.
      My spouse complains vocally about my idiosyncrasies.
      I am relieved when my spouse is not around.
      If I have a temper tantrum, my spouse responds by hitting walls, or throwing objects.
      I have been slapped by my spouse.
      After my spouse hits me, my spouse is quickly kind and gentle to me and apologizes.
      In order not to offend my spouse I have given up a lot.
      My spouse insists on sex without taking care of my needs.

      If you have experienced ANY of this first list, YOU are a Domestic Violence victim, according to Numazaki Ichirou.

      ========================

      Checklist for Either Spouse :)

      I have yelled at my spouse.
      I wish that my spouse would only have eyes for me.
      Sometimes I don’t answer my spouse when my spouse wants to talk to me.
      While speaking with my spouse, I have stood up and got close to my spouse.
      My spouse has thought that I made fun of my spouse.
      I think a spouse should look up to their spouse.
      I may have silently stared at my spouse.
      I am concerned when my spouse is speaking with other people of the opposite sex.
      I have secretly checked my spouse’s cell phone.
      I have cheated on my spouse.
      I have told my spouse “Don’t get smart with me.”
      I may have lifted a hand to my spouse.
      I am annoyed when my spouse talks back to me.
      I have cussed at my spouse.
      I have called my spouse a big mouth.
      I feel restless if I am not with my spouse all the time.
      I feel hurt if my spouse pushes back at me.
      My spouse incurred a debt for me without my permission.

      If you have experienced ANY of this second list, YOU are a Domestic Violence perpetrator, according to Numazaki Ichirou.

      ========================

      There you go, fixed. :)

    9. Loverilakkuma Says:

      > According to Professor Numazaki, the producer of this list, a check mark next to even ONE item indicates a DV event. (For women who checked off one item, they have been a victim of DV and, for men, any checks indicate that that man was a perpetrator of DV.)

      What!? Are you kidding me? Simply being angry and irritated with your partner can’t become a proof of DV. If you say your partner is the victim of DV, there should be one or more indications of misconduct(s)–i.e., bruises and/or gashes on body, a messed-up living room, alcohol/drug abuse, marital rape, child porn, aggravated assault. Some of the items–staring, reprimand, checking your partner’s cell-phone are definitely NOT a direct cause of DV. If he insists it is, I would suspect his credentials as a medical professional.

    10. vox Says:

      Debito:

      I’m not sure I’m following where you’re going on this one. There isn’t anything on that list that isn’t a commonly accepted sign of domestic abuse.

      Sources – which include nearly everything on the above list among them:
      http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

      http://www.domesticviolencebc.ca/dvbc/signs.page

      http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence/signs/

      http://www.oprah.com/relationships/What-is-Domestic-Violence

    11. beneaththewheel Says:

      Norik, I loved your comment until you called Japan a living hell for women. I hope either it was hyperbole, you can further explain the statement.

      Through my wife, I know many women with very over-controlling husbands who do many things on the list (and their wives utterly hate their lives and feel trapped due to their children and desire to have a good marriage). To me it’s not an issue of foreign rights at all, it’s an issue of women’s rights. On the issue of whether if a men does one of those things on the list it’s automatically DV, well that’s obviously silly. Quantifying DV into a list can’t be perfect. There’s been a time when I’ve called my wife’s cell phone four times when she’s drinking with her friends, but neither of us believe it to be DV. It’s me bored at home wondering when she’s coming home.

      Also Debito, could you please explain what you mean in this quote. Is it speculation on your part?

      “Note that these standards or substantially similar standards will likely be applied under the new Hague implementation law to deny access and/or return of children to foreign (and Japanese) parents who are victims of parental abduction to and within Japan. Similar standards are already applied in Japanese family courts at present.”

      – Not my quote. Read more carefuly.

    12. Tony In Saitama Says:

      To ABC;

      This list was clearly created by a Japanese organisation dealing with DV issues in Japan. How is it racist?

    13. iwo Says:

      @ABC: In my opinion this isn’t so much a foreigner vs. Japanese thing as it is about weakening the position of men (Japanese and NJ alike) in a relationship with a Japanese woman in general.

      I agree with debito that this list makes defining DV very hard if not impossible by stretching the term to its extremes. Strangely I already experienced my Japanese girlfriend telling me, that to her, yelling at each other during a fight equals DV. Having previously heard that there are a lot of cases of DV in Japan, I have since then questioned that terms usage anyway. Anyone else heard such a broad definition before?

      – I have. I’ve even heard that bougen equals bouryoku.

    14. Jim Di Griz Says:

      Norik has missed the point completely:
      ‘Women, especially in Japan, have much, much weaker social position(no FT job, income twice or three times lower than the husband, entirely dependent on the husband this way) and they are unable to come with an adequate responce if insulted, ignored, their privacy breached, etc.If this thing continues, it leads to suicide, child abuse, social withdrawal, etc.The lack of adequate mental help in Japan and the fear of the abuser’s reaction worsen their situation.

      Before judging, one needs seriously and fully to apprehend women’s position , their image in Japan-it is completely different than in other countries by the way society regards them, companies accept them as a workforce, elderly people look at them, their image created by the media(have you noticed how often working women in media, like actresses, announcers,owarai, singers are asked first and most important when are they going to get married, and how unmarried women are treated)’.

      Since NJ don’t even have the vote, how is any of this my responsibility? Japanese women’s position in Japanese society (and it’s associated gender discrimination) is a separate issue from that of child custody. The goal of these guidelines is to ensure that despite signing the Hague convention, Japanese courts can isolate children from NJ fathers (and perhaps even convict and deport them for DV).

    15. Jim Di Griz Says:

      @Norik
      BTW; be careful maybe, Tepido.org is developing an unhealthy interest in you:

      空 June 18, 2011 at 1:40 pm
      Norik Says:
      June 18th, 2011 at 9:27 am
      ・・・・・
      .As a woman in Japan, for already 10 years, I can tell you that its a living hell, the mentality is like in some village in some non-developed country before WW2.

      Seriously you should consult a doctor or anybody or ask your Korean husband to leave Japan with you.

      http://tepido.org/soylent-brown-is-peoples-poo/481/comment-page-1#comment-7274

    16. Wymarshian Says:

      This female-centric list will also be applied to foreign women with JP husbands, n’est pas? There are more JP men married to foreign brides than JP women married to foreign men, so is the glass more than half full? As a member of the guilty gender, I think not.

    17. Mark in Yayoi Says:

      This disgusting list is an example of one of the oldest tricks in the totalitarian’s book: take an example of criminal behavior that any sensible person would be against, expand the definition of that behavior to include things that are so innocuous that the majority of the population can be considered guilty of them, and then head off protests by appealing to the pre-existing public sentiment against the behavior under its original, “real” definition.

      Look how many items there are things that loving couples routinely engage in, not because they’re violent, but because they care about each other! Calling each other on the phone to find out where they are? Wearing clothes that you know your partner will like? These are “violent”? No!

      “彼女に反発されると、とても傷つく。” — would not any spouse feel hurt if their partner rebelled against them? Yet this is supposedly proof that the one who feels hurt is violent!

      “彼女には自分だけを見ていて欲しいと思う。” — anyone and everyone would and should think this. It’s part of the marriage vows!

      I have no idea how influential this “Saya-Saya” organization really is, but if its aims were realized, every husband and father — not just foreign ones — would be a virtual prisoner in his own home. Just about every wife would have the power to accuse her husband of “violence” based on one-sided and arbitrary feelings. Why am I not surprised that the organization’s name means, in Indonesian, “Me! Me!”?

    18. Christopher Says:

      @ Mark, unfortunately it already happens that such guidelines, in one form or another, are ALREADY used in Japanese family courts to determine custody. This saya saya group is simply parroting Dr. Numazaki’s work which is oft-quoted and represents the conventional wisdom in Japan… (Well, actually the courts just use these excuses as a justification for the fait accompli of always giving the mom the kid unless it was the father who abducted the kids first like former PM Koizumi)… but I digress. For obvious statistical reasons this “list abuse” happens to Japanese men more than foreign men because more Japanese men by absolute number are married to Japanese and eventually divorce. One infamous example that is often cited is the case where the woman was awarded custody because of “DV”. The DV involved? Apparently the Ex-Wife testified in court that the former husband wouldn’t share his pudding with me”; What horror! Definitely grounds for the kids never seeing their Dad again. Can’t make this up. Really. Google “pudding” and “DV” in Japanese… There is a PDF out there with many examples of what has been dubbed “veritable DV” in Japanese courts. One might laugh if it weren’t so hideously awful and bizarre.

    19. Hoofin Says:

      I feel this is a critical part of any Japanese negotiation with an outsider. For whatever much is being proposed, there must be a proportionate amount of things held back. It is fairly clear, that Japan could finally agree to the Hague treaty on child custody, only to define domestic violence as something that the mere false move by the non-Japanese partner triggers it.

      In this way, Japan gains a certain amount of prestige by joining the international community while hardly giving up the right to act unilaterally.

      Nice post.

    20. Colin Says:

      Just think. All these laws designed to beat the common man down, were designed by law making men. Yet women are lower on the food chain when it comes to job status, salaries, etc. Marital issues are case by case issues and shouldn`t be so general. Everyones story is different.

    21. Maxabillion Slartibartfast Says:

      >”She incurred a debt for me without my permission.”

      So if your wife incurs a debt in your name without your permission, you have abused her? That doesn’t make sense, even on Planet Japan.

    22. jon Says:

      Numazaki`s bizarre list does not surprise me, but it does disgust me.
      Agree with Iwo, Debito etc.Raising your voice but not your hand counts as domestic violence here; its “cultural”. I speak from bitter divorce and lost visa experience.

      No wonder there are so many Herbivore men. Their argument for not getting married and concentrating on making themselves happy doesnt seem so bad after all…

    23. Mark in Yayoi Says:

      Maxabillion, I think a better translation of 彼女に無断で借金をしたことがある is “I have borrowed money without her permission”, which, if the wife is made jointly responsible, should be a kind of fraud. Not violence, but certainly behavior that should be punished.

    24. Christopher Says:

      @Mark is right about the translation. As noted, I did this in a mad rush without proofreading at all and in haste I misread 彼女が instead of 彼女に. My translation did seem quite bizarre in this context but I didn’t question it because of the stupidity and absurdity of most of the other claims of “violence”. Obviously, this makes a huge difference both grammatically and factually. However, as Mark indicates, “borrowing money without permission” particularly in the context of a marriage, is hardly domestic violence and (in a marriage) it cannot really be considered fraud or stealing, although it is certainly not the best of behaviour, depending on amount and intent. Come to think of it, I think this is why I mistranslated because subconsciously it didn’t cross my mind or make sense to me that using money in a marriage would be considered “borrowing money” from “her”…I wasn’t assuming a BF/GF scenario in my mind, which would be different. Hey, that reminds me… I bought a full tank of gas for my truck this morning with my credit card and forgot to tell my wife! Better email her the receipt ASAP lest I be accused of DV! LOL

      BTW, please, if anyone finds other mistakes, post them here. And Debito, if you can edit the original list to make Mark’s correction, that would be great.

    25. Dr. H Says:

      I like the one about “If I throw a temper tantrum.” This is so sexist it’s ridiculous. The hysterical woman throws a temper tantrum because of her delicate constitution and weak mind, and THE MAN is supposed to stay calm and rational and not get angry himself. Clearly, women are expected to throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way. This list just promotes the stereotype of weak, demure, un-intelligent women.

      I wonder if bedroom spanking counts as DV? (kidding!)

      When I went through the list, I think I am guilty of DV against my husband. He wears clothes that I like him to wear….because he likes the compliments he gets when he does. I am an awful, shameful person, and I should go to jail. ;)

    26. John (Yokohama) Says:

      http://mdn.mainichi.jp/mdnnews/news/20110706p2g00m0dm007000c.html

      “Mexican man convicted of abducting separated daughter in Niigata

      NIIGATA (Kyodo) — A Mexican man was found guilty and given a suspended jail term Tuesday for forcibly taking his daughter from his separated Japanese wife last November by breaking into her home in Niigata on the Sea of Japan and injuring her mother who tried to prevent him.

      The Niigata District Court sentenced Nathanael Teutle Retamoza, 33, to two years in prison, suspended for four years, for his behavior aimed at taking the 1-year-old girl to the United States, at a time when the Japanese government is preparing for legislation to help settle international child custody disputes.

      The ruling said it was “selfish” for Retamoza to act on his urge to see his daughter, from whom he had been separated for two months, without heeding the sentiment of his former wife and her relatives.

      It also noted that he prepared for the abduction well in advance as he booked U.S.-bound air tickets for himself and his daughter beforehand.

      However, the court said the prison sentence is suspended as the man regretted inflicting on his former mother-in-law injuries that required two weeks of treatment and received punishments in the forms of nearly eight months of detention and abandonment of his daughter’s custody.

      According to Retamoza’s lawyer, the couple divorced after the incident and the mother was awarded sole custody of the daughter. Also after the incident, the court served a restraining order on him following the wife’s claim of abuse.

      In a similar case, an American man was arrested in September 2009 in Fukuoka Prefecture on suspicion of abducting his son and daughter in a bid to reclaim them, as his ex-wife had taken them from the United States to Japan.

      But prosecutors did not file criminal charges against Christopher Savoie.

      To deal with cross-border parental abduction cases, Japan decided in May to join the 1980 Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, which sets procedures for settling international child custody disputes.

      (Mainichi Japan) July 6, 2011″

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